Jarhead in Iraq, with Money 4 U... NOT!

It appears that one of the 'Lads from Lagos' has managed to join the US Marines. And, while the song says that when you join the Army "You'll never get rich". it seems that maybe our Lad found a way to make his fortune with the Jarheads -- and he needs your help to get it out of the country.

What am I talking about, do you ask? Well, let's take a look at this piece of tender, juicy spamm that appeared in my inbox recently.

So, without further ado... the spamm!

Follow up:

I cut out most of the headers, thinking that dissecting them, while of great amusement to me, isn't of that much interest to you. However, I left the subject line, as well as one header which pretty much says it all:

X-Authentication-Warning: chestnut.propagation.net: nobody set sender to Sgt.Robert.McGrover@National-Champs.com using -f
Subject: Sgt.Robert Writes From IRAQ

'Propagation.net', eh? As in 'propagation of spamm' or 'propagation of scams'? Both appear to be in violation of their Acceptable Use Policy.

OK, let's get on with the show. Now, to the meaty part:

Attn:

I know you would be surprised to read from someone relatively unknown to you before.My name is Sgt. Robert Mcgrover,a U.S. Marine 1st Armored Division, which was deployed to Iraq in the beginning of the war in Iraq.I would like to share some highly personal classified information about my personal experience and role which I played in the pursuit of my career serving under the U.S 1st Armored which was at the fore-front of the war in Iraq.Though,I would like to hold back certain information for security reasons for now until you have find the time to visit the BBC website stated below to enable you have insight regarding what I'm intending to share with you,believing that it would be of your desired interest one way or the other.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/middle_east/2988455.stm

OK, so let's get a basic understanding here. First, I am not one of your maggot grunts, so don't go barking "Attn:" at me. Second, The 1st Armored Division isn't in the Marine Corps' OOB (Order Of Battle) -- that's an Army unit (the 'Big Red One'.) So, what is it, Sergeant -- Army or Marines? C'mon, speak up soldier! You know that the Army and Marines hate each other, and will fight at the drop of a hat. Oops, there goes my hat! Do you already feel the conflict inside of you, like your left fist wants to pummel the right side of your face, and vice-versa? Go ahead, Sergeant, give in to it. Everyone needs a good fight now and then.

Next: when did the Marine Corps (or the Army, for that matter) give you the authority to share any sort of classified information (personal or not) over email? They sure didn't do it that way when I was in the service -- you had to use real mail, and then only if you were being paid by the Russkies, or the Israelis, or somebody like that.

OK, so let's move on. You have some information you want to share with me, but first I need to review an article on the BBC web site. So, I visit the page you provided, and see the following:

Troops found $100m and 90m euros in 31 containers, US Central Command said.

...

The money has been flown out of the country to a "secure location" for counting purposes and will eventually be returned to Iraq to help rebuild the country, the US said.

...

"Funds will remain secure until a stable government is established in Iraq and will ultimately be returned to the Iraqis to assist in the re-building of their nation."

...

The funds which were found last week are also being held at an undisclosed location.

...

Five US soldiers are currently being questioned by military officials after some of that money was allegedly stolen following its discovery.

OK, so I think I know where this is going. Back to the letter:

Also,could you get back to me having visiting the above website to enable us discuss in a more clarifying manner to the best of your understanding.I must say that I'm very uncomfortable sending this message to you without knowing truly if you would misconstrue the importance and decides to go public.In this regards,I will not hold back to say that the essence of this message is strictly for mutual benefit of you and I and nothing more.

I will be vivid and coherent in my next message in this
regards.Meanwhile,could you send me a mail confirming you have visited the site and that you have understood my intentions?
Alternatively,you can send your e-mail response,using e-mail address:

[email address deleted]
Awaiting your kind response.


Thanks,
Best Regards

Sgt.Robert

Oh, I think your manner was clarifying enough. You want me to believe that you have somehow come into possession of USD $200,000,000.00 (TWO HUNDRED MILLION DOLLARS), you are caught between Iraq and a hard place, and you need my help in getting the $$$$MONEY$$$$$ out of the country. In return for loaning you the use of my bank account to help in this scheme, I will receive a bullet in the back of the head a portion of the proceeds. You want me to send you my phone number, my name, my address, maybe my bank account number, in order to establish my bonafides. Oh, and there will be the matter of a few fees, 'advance fees' let us call them, to help grease the wheels (and some palms, no doubt.)

Well, 'Sgt. Robert', I don't believe you. Admittedly, you must have completed Fraud 201 in your Nigerian elementary school. I didn't see any SENTENCES IN ENTIRE CAPITAL LETTERS, nor any mention of 'modalities', nor any of the other typical signs of a '419' being mass-mailed from an Internet cafe somewhere in Lagos. Maybe that would have come in the next letter.

No need for me to get back to you. I'm not interested, and nor are any of the readers of this site, I am sure.

Except, of course, as part of an opportunity to laugh at you.

Mercilessly.