Foot in Mouth Disease hits Utah

When one is engaged in political debates, it is wise to watch one's words closely, for it is almost a certainty that, if they can be taken out of context, they will. And, sometimes it causes a controversy to flare up, like a California wildfire:

SALT LAKE CITY — The founder of Overstock.com rejected the NAACP's demand for an apology Friday after an Internet video surfaced of him saying that Utah minorities who don't graduate from high school might as well be burned or thrown away.

He said WHAT?!?

On the YouTube video clip, Byrne says: "Right now, 40 percent of Utah minorities are not graduating from high school. You may as well burn those kids. That's the end of their life. That's the end of their ability to achieve in this society if they do not get a high school education. You might as, just throw the kids away."

Cue the controversy:

Jeanetta Williams, a voucher opponent and president of the NAACP's Salt Lake branch, said the videotaped comments shocked her and she believes Byrne meant that minorities who don't graduate should be burned or thrown away.

Uh... whatever. I guess it just goes to show that Foot-in-Mouth disease is highly contagious. Expect more outbreaks as election season approaches.

We have met the press, and they are... us.

Well, it seems that FEMA may have learned their lessons from that cluster.... that was Katrina.

Or maybe not. As Al Kamen at WaPo explains:

... Very smooth, very professional. But something didn't seem right. The reporters were lobbing too many softballs. No one asked about trailers with formaldehyde for those made homeless by the fires. And the media seemed to be giving [FEMA deputy administrator Vice Adm. Harvey E]Johnson all day to wax on and on about FEMA's greatness.

Of course, that could be because the questions were asked by FEMA staffers playing reporters.

Ouch. That had to hurt. As did this response from the White House, as reported by Julie Mason over at chron.com:

"It is not a practice that we would employ here at the White House," Press Secretary Dana Perino said. "We certainly don't condone it."

However, it is certainly comforting to know that, in spite of all the appearances of extreme competence we saw in Southern California during the last week, some in the gummint still know how to >:XX up a wet dream.

Irony-rich phish

This evening, I received a most unusual phish in my inbox. It had the ominous, officially sounding title of

Complaint Case Number 94327367

and went on to say that

You have received a complaint in regards to your business services...

It was a really lame phish. To begin with, I don't run my own business, nor am I a member of the BBB. Besides, I was disappointed, as it promised (but did not deliver) the malware exploit original complaint that it said was attached to the email.

I then noticed that there were images that weren't displayed. I hit the "load images" button, then almost bust a gut I started laughing so hard, as the following warning became visible:

BBB phish warning

Way to go, dude. I needed a good laugh. Now, go away.

Better living through spamm

So, tell me, what do you think is the most pressing medical issue that we face. Cancer? HIV/AIDS? Heart disease? Paranoid schizophrenia?

Well, if you were going to base it on the volume of email sent, the more serious medical issue would have to be P*N*S. No, I didn't mis-spell the condition some women have to deal with every month or so: I am talking about the male organ, also known as the "p3n1s". This poor thing is subject to many, many maladies, at least according to those total strangers wonderful peddlers of snake-oil fine products who have discovered that I, too, have an email inbox.

Here is just a sampling of the types of conditions that "Mr. Johnson" is subject to, based on a sampling of subject lines in the emails I receive on a daily basis:

To begin with, it appears Wee Willie suffers from stunted growth:

"Your new p*n*s size is here"
"Leave the small size behind! Enjoy your bigger p*n*s!"
"Don't wait! Make your p*n*s bigger!"

Or, maybe the little guy is just camera-shy:

"Bigger p*n*s won't be on TV but in your shorts"

Then again, maybe it just lacks a little firmness (and a spelling and grammar checker wouldn't hurt):

"Try our ED remedies and you p*n*s will hard as a rock"

Sometimes, unlike the 'OJ Special' R0l3x, a replica just won't do:

"A real man should have a real p*n*s. Here it is!"

And, just like cars, you can trade your old one in on a newer model!

"Your new p*n*s is waiting for you"

There's nothing magic about all this:

"Bigger p*n*s is not just an illusion"

And, last but not least, some folks just have to go with the flow. Products that offer to turn your babbling brook into the Mighty Mississippi. Be careful if you take too much of this stuff, lest your S.O. find themselves blown up like one of those cartoon characters who tries to suck on a high-pressure water hose!

"Have you ever wanted to impress your girl with a huge (load of sperm)?"

Personally, I always thought they preferred a dozen roses. But, maybe I was wrong... "Oh, honey! Hang on a sec, I got something to show ya!!"

Thank goodness this can't happen in America... right?

OK, so we have police who use children and the mentally ill to fulfill their annual requirements for target practice, an area Crime Lab that can't even spell DNA much less identify the stuff, and a DA who feels that death is too lenient a punishment for jaywalkers.

At least we can take comfort in the fact that we don't live in a country where this is allowed to happen. Or this.

Oh wait... it appears that we do.

Never mind, my bad.