etee's Blog

Washington, DC - Congress has the power to order Americans to eat their veggies and Buy Union, according to Congress.

This fact came to life when someone questioned the following portion of the recently passed Health Care Reform bill, the Affordable Health Care for America Act (AHC4AA):

... all Americans will be required to Eat Their Veggies. Americans will also be required to Buy Union. Failure to comply with these requirements will be a Class 3 Felony...

When asked by a reporter about the constitutionality of such requirements, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif.), responded "Constitutionality!? We don't need no ****ing Constitutionality! I'll show you Constitutionality!!!" After pulling the irate Speaker off the reporter, House Majority Leader Steny Hoyer (D-Mary.) explained that such requirements did indeed pass Constitutional muster, pointing out that they are expressly included in the first of the Enumerated Powers. He then proceeded to pull out the Constitution, and pointed to the section of the document in question. Sure enough, right there on paper, it said

The Congress shall have power... to enact laws requiring Americans to "eat their veggies", and also to Buy Union.

When further questioned about why these powers appear to have been added with a red crayon, Congressman Hoyer reminded the questioner that the Guantanamo Bay Detention Center was still open, and followed up with "Why do you hate America so?"