etee's Blog

After being briefed on the massive migration of 5.3 million teen boys moving to Oklahoma, Texas, which has been dubbed the "Invasion of the Hottie Snatchers" by media pundits searching for a 'Breaking News' filler between rounds of the Clinton-Obama-McCain menage-a-trois campaign, the governors of Texas and Oklahoma have declared a state of emergency, imposed marital law, and closed the borders, sealing their states off from the rest of the country. The remaining National Guard troops (all 314 of them) have been activated, and will be set to patrolling the borders, with orders to try and stop anyone attempting to enter the states. They will be supplemented with manpower recruited from local "Secure Our Borders" groups, the last surviving members of the VFW and American Legion (all 5 of them), and random commenters on the website of the Houston Chronicle.

These supplemental recruits will not actually be sent to the borders, but will be given a special on-line game linked to border surveillance cameras, where they will be instructed to mark the positions of anyone attempting to cross on a Google Maps mashup, at which point they will be given the option of blasting zombies or viewing some online p0rn as a reward.

A spokesman for the group Boys Just Want to Have Fun has responded to this announcement, saying that "Hey, dude, what a bummer. We are like, uh, refugees, attempting to escape the total lack of hottiness in our home states. This is so, like, totally unfair."

The male population of the local high schools, on the other hand, has a completely different take on the subject. "It's not like they are going to take the ugly chicks or anything like that," said one junior. "They will be going after the best, the hottest of the hott, and who will we have to make out with!? Jeez, if we can't stop them, maybe we ought to just sign one of those 'abstinence pledges' or join the chess club or something."

Word has it that officials in Kansas and New Mexico are keeping a wary eye on the situation, as the weight of all those teen-age boys could easily cause a massive land subsidence, possibly leading to catastrophes such as earthquakes and a plague of frogs. In addition, farmers in the areas affected have been asked to take special precautions, and not let their sheep wander about without proper escort.