etee's Blog

Cheesy Threat Advisory Level: Edam - Red

The following is an ED Action Moment, from your President:

As you know, those cowardly wimps in Congress recently declared that Your Government can not use "intense" interrogation techniques in order to root out Islandofascist activity. As a result, this Administration has no choice other than to issue this ED Action Moment in response.

Effective immediately, all employers with over 100 employees in the USofA will be required to do their part in the Global War on Graffiti (GWoG), by conducting "random intense interrogation" of their employees. Agents of the Executive Decision Action Moment Action Moment Enforcement (EDAMAME) Agency will be assigned to oversee the process of training the interrogators in such techniques as "snowboarding" (tying a person to a board upside down, and pouring either snow or cocaine down their nose), "sleep deprivation" (forcing people to stay awake by making them listen to "American Idol" auditions), and other really intense and unpleasant stuff.

Any employee who declines to participate in a Random Intense Interrogation will be taken into custody by the Executive Decision Action Moment Action Moment Enforcement (EDAMAME) Agency and conveyed to a Special Renditioning Facility, where they will not be tortured.

It is only through extraordinary measures such as these, that we can finally defeat the Islandofascists, and secure victory in the Global War on Graffiti (GWoG), thus ensuring liberty for all in the USofA.

An important reminder: if the deep patriotic stirrings which should result from an ED Action Moment last longer than 4 hours, seek prompt medical attention.

Thank you. And, good night.