ED Action Moment: 22.Sep.07
Cheesy Threat Advisory Level: Edam - Red
The following is an ED Action Moment, from your President:
Yesterday, our great nation almost faced calamity. Only the quick, decicive, and courageous efforts of the security officers at the airport in Boston prevented total and decisive victory for our adversaries.
For those of you unaware of the latest danger to the safety of the Republic
an Party, an (alleged) college student arrived at the airport wearing an (alleged) nametag connected to an (alleged) 9-volt battery via (alleged) wires. She was also holding (alleged) play-dough in her (alleged) hand. The only thing that wasn't alleged was the intent of Those Who Protect And Serve to give her [and any (alleged) "innocent bystanders" in the field of fire] a fatal case of lead poisoning with the machine guns they were carrying, if she had made a single move that wasn't ordered by them. You can see in this photo just how dangerous a device this was.
People have been critical of the police, and of the government, for this action. Some are going so far as to say that it was "Definitely stupid police overreaction." Obviously, these people are seriously mistaken, because it should have read "Definitely a stupid police overreaction." They really need a grammar checker on their web site.
What people don't know is that this (alleged) incident may possibly have been simply a decoy, something to distract US while the evil Islandofascists executed their devious plot to commit an act of Graffiti. Fortunately, alert citizens noticed the results of such an act of defacetion sometime after it was committed, and the Executive Decision Action Moment Action Moment Enforcement (EDAMAME) Agency has already arrested the property owner for failure to clean their property up within the required 10 seconds allowed.
Now, to the main subject of this ED Action Moment: the new sanctions. First, the possession, sale, and use of so-called "printed circuit boards" (or anything containing them) is hereby prohibited, and the same goes for 9-volt batteries. The young lady involved in the incident in Boston will be taken to a Special Renditioning Facility operated by the Executive Decision Action Moment Action Moment Enforcement (EDAMAME) Agency, where she will be
re-educated as to the duties of good citizens in light of the Global War on Graffiti (GWoG), but she will not be tortured.
Last, but not least, authorities will launch surprise raids on all stores selling 9-volt batteries beginning tomorrow at dawn, for the purpose of eliminating these dangers to our very survival.
An important reminder: if the deep patriotic stirrings which should result from an ED Action Moment last longer than 4 hours, seek prompt medical attention.
Thank you. And, good night.
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