etee's Blog

Only months after the government informed us about the New Threat Advisory Levels announced, it seems that circumstances have once again forced the government to revise the Threat Advisory Levels.

In honor of the fact that recent TSA vigilance has uncovered evidence that may indicate that terrorists are possibly considering the use of blocks of cheese in an attempt to circumvent airport security, the government has issued the following revised Threat Advisory Level chart:

Threat Advisory Level: Edam - Red. Extreme probability of terrorist activity. If we ever see this level, it means the CIA discovered that McGyver joined Al Qaeda as a trainer, and we can expect to see travelers creating IEDs out of a lock of hair, 1.125 oz of Diet Mountain Dew, a packet of Pop Rocks, and an iPhone.

Threat Advisory Level: Cheddar - Orangy. High probability of terrorist activity. This level will be invoked whenever there is credible intelligence that Republicans are likely to lose the 2008 election someone somewhere might be planning to do something that might hurt somebody.

Threat Advisory Level: Velveeta - Yellowy. Average probability of terrorist activity. Which means that everything and everyone average is probably related to terrorism, and should be confiscated, detained, and humiliated.

Threat Advisory Level: Schbzieger - Green. Reduced probability of terrorist activity. It is highly unlikely that we will ever see this level invoked, as it would mean that the feds wouldn't have to spend all that $$$$MONEY$$$$$ to protect the Museum of Popcorn Memorabilia from hordes of angry Icelandofascists any longer.

Threat Advisory Level: Roquefort - Bleu. Very low probability of terrorist activity: but if they succeed, it will smell really bad.