etee's Blog

In a move designed to leverage the success of stadium sponsorships, officials have decided to sell off naming rights for our major streets. The revenue generated from the sale will go to line the pockets of local politicians help build and maintain this necessary infrastructure. In addition to seeing their corporate name plastered all over the map, the sponsor will also get to help set conditions of use which govern 'their' roadways.

The first such agreement was signed yesterday, resulting in a local toll road being renamed to the "Comcast Expressway." Comcast then announced that drivers can purchase their 'unlimited high speed usage' plan for only $24.95 per month, and travel the road without having to obey any speed limits.

However, there are reports that, should a subscriber drive down the road too fast more than four times per year, they will be stopped, issued a citation, arrested, Tasered, have their car seized, and are then subject to imprisonment for a period of up to a year if they "seriously degrade the driving experience for other users of the road."

When asked what the speed cap was on the toll road, Comcast and law enforcement officials said "We aren't allowed to disclose that information, as the cap is subject to change depending on driving conditions and the number of cars on the road."