etee's Blog

My wife subscribes to several email lists. The following came in over one of them yesterday, and it was so funny I thought I would share it with you. It is a bit(!) risque, and if you are prone to spewing liquids out of your mouth, please be sure and swallow before reading this.

I am not responsible for damage to your keyboards, or to your person (if you are one of those who lets un-de-clawed cats sit on your lap while you surf the Web.)

You have been warned.

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The Baby Photographer

The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a
surrogate father to start their family.

On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife
goodbye and said, "Well, I'm off now. The man should be here soon."

Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer
happened to the ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale.

"Good morning, Ma'am" he said, "I've come to..."

"Oh, no need to explain," Mrs Smith cut in, embarrassed, "I've been
expecting you."

"Have you really?" said the photographer. "Well, that's good. Did
you know babies were my specialty?"

"Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and
have a seat"

After a moment she asked, blushing, "Well, where do we start?"

"Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on
the couch and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the lounge
floor is fun. You can really spread out there."

"Bathtub, lounge floor? No wonder it didn't work out for Harry and me!"

"Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven
angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results."

"My, that's a lot!" gasped Mrs Smith.

"Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love to
be in and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed
with that."

"Don't I know it," said Mrs Smith quietly.

The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of
his baby pictures. "This was done on the top of a bus," he said.

"Oh my God!" Mrs Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat.

"And these twins turned out exceptionally well - when you consider
their mother was so difficult to work with."

"She was difficult?" asked Mrs Smith.

"Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get
the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep
to get a good look."

"Four and five deep?" said Mrs Smith, her eyes wide with amazement.

"Yes" the photographer replied. And for more than three hours, too.
The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly
concentrate and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots.
Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just
had to pack it all in."

Mrs Smith leaned forward "Do you mean they actually chewed your, um... equipment?"

"It's true Ma'am, yes. Well, if you're ready, I'll set up my tripod
and we can get to work right away."

"Tripod?"

"Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's
much too big to be held in the hand very long."

Mrs Smith passed out.