etee's Blog

Ask, and ye shall receive...

For those looking to one-up The Da Vinci Code, this couldn't have happened at a better time. According to noted spiritual pundit and local political blogger Polimom, The Discovery Channel has discovered that

Feb. 25, 2007 — New scientific evidence, including DNA analysis conducted at one of the world's foremost molecular genetics laboratories, as well as studies by leading scholars, suggests a 2,000-year-old Jerusalem tomb could have once held the remains of Jesus of Nazareth and his family.

However, left unsaid by both The Discovery Channel and Polimom is the true miracle that was discovered in the ossuary labelled "Jesus":

Perfect DNA.

This is truly a find which will set the world on its collective... ear. Already, the DNA has provided the answers to some of life's most perplexing questions, such as

• Who was the "second shooter", that "man on the grassy knoll" when Kennedy was assassinated?
• Who was the "John Doe #2" referenced in the Timothy McVeigh investigation?
• Who is the "real killer" that OJ is still looking for?
• Who is the "real father" of Anna Nicole's baby?

It seems that "Wherever two or more are gathered in My name, there I am." really was true, after all.

BREAKING NEWS!!! It seems that the results of the latest tests have just been announced!

• When brought into the presence of a hungry person, the DNA changed into a piece of (7-grain, organic, no trans fat) bread.
• When rubbed onto a common household cooking pan, the DNA inscribed an image of the Virgin Mary onto the metal.
• When subjected to repeated viewing of the latest informercial, the DNA started replicating itself furiously, and will offer itself for 3 Easy Payments of Only $19.95 (+S&H). And, if you order in the next 20 minutes, it will make one of the payments for you!

Isn't science wonderful?