etee's Blog

An 9 1/4 minute segment of the President's State of the Union address was found on the editing room floor of a local news station yesterday, which may shed some light on the seemingly bizarre reports noted in both the mainstream media and the blogosphere that

...many Americans could be saving less than they are being told to by the financial services industry — and spending more...

The heretofore missing segment of the speech, it turns out, contains details of a "New & Improved" plan for dealing with the intransient violence in Iraq. Dubbed "Operation Blue Light Special", the goal is to compel the total and abject surrender of the various sectarian militias and death squads using America's most potent weapon: the Credit Card. Word is that shopping malls across the country will be holding mass enlistment ceremonies the day after Thanksgiving.

Democrats immediately announced their opposition to this plan, claiming it is a Republican trick to entice the 'shopper mom' vote to the GOP in the '08 election. Already, they are using a new form of legislative trickery known as the "kneejerk" (which replaced the "earmark", and will be superceded by the "buttkiss" next year) to attach riders to bills which would prohibit participation in "Operation Blue Light Special" by big box retailers who aren't represented by a union, or fail to give money to support the veterans.

In other news: later this week, the FDA is expected to release a report confirming that Americans eat way too many veggies and far too little saturated fat, and the Education Dept will publish a study showing that our children are scoring too high on standardized tests.